Oh, that old feeling, how I have missed you...

So, I joined a gym.

One would look at me, and think that it won't last.

The fact is that I used to play soccer and hockey.

So, when the lady who tried to sell myself and my mate a membership at this local sports club asked me why I wanted to join, that was what came out of my mouth.

I was a pretty good goalkeeper, actually. Barring a sever ankle sprain, I would have gotten a partial scholarship to play for UConn when UConn was taking apart Division I in Men's Soccer. Unfortunately, I did get that severe ankle sprain, with UConn scouts, and their goalkeeper's coach, looking on. Such is life.

I then resurrected my passion for soccer when I worked in Manhattan a decade ago. I joined Chelsea Piers, paid my way to play, and signed up for a house team. For those of you faithful readers that don't understand what that means, I signed up to play with a bunch of guys who didn't know each other.

My record - 6-2-2. I pulled three shutouts out of my ass, including one 0-0 tie. To do that in an indoor league is doubly impressive, since those leagues are fast paced and high scoring. We snuck into the playoffs, as a house team. We lost in the first round to a much better team, but we lost by a goal.

As far as hockey, I wasn't very good. Honestly. I didn't stop very well. But, I could skate hard, I had a scoring touch, and I could fight and check hard. Why did I check hard? Because I used other players to stop. All I want in that regard? I just want to play a pickup game WITHOUT having a heart attack.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine, and I finished the statement with: "I don't want my life to end at 35! I'm still young!"

I get riled up about it, admittedly.

Let me explain.

I should never have let this happen to myself. I joined NYSC about four years ago and I enjoyed going. It was part of my weekly routine (I went twice a week), and it was a vehicle to pamper myself. I would spend 25 minutes total on the bike, move to the cybex circuit and then back to about 15 minutes on the bike.

Then I got transfered to Bay Ridge. And then I gave in to a sedentary lifestyle.

I was more interested in sitting on the couch and eating McNuggets or some such, than looking and feeling better. So much for the joys of instant gratification.

So, I went back to the gym.

2 days in and I am sore as hell.

Oh, burning soreness, how I have missed thee!

Between the diet and the exercise, I might actually be able to pull this off...

...All I need for motivation is right across the street from the gym - a sports complex, with both indoor soccer and hockey. Take that, fatty! There's a new sheriff in town!

101 things in 1001 days - The Update

1. Get a better job. One with a stable schedule, health insurance, and a steady predictable paycheck

So, I've been hired as a substitute teacher's aide by the Middlesex County DOE. The school I'm attached to intends to use me every day. All I need to do is get a TB test and pass a background check and I'm in.

18. Rejoin a gym

Done. Went to the gym on sunday. I'll blog about that a bit later.

19. Get an exercise regimen

I have an appointment on Wednesday with a trainer. The gym I just joined gives you 6 free sessions.

36. Drink only one can or 20 oz. bottle of soda per day.

I haven't had soda in about three weeks, save once. Diet Coke is disgusting. I don't know how I drank it for so long.

39. Revisit the acoustic thing with Brian.

Unfortunately, I don't think this is going to happen. I have mentioned it to Brian a couple of times since posting this list, and as his answer was a bit wishy-washy, it seems as if my days of playing with him are at an end. However, things have begun to unfold with Corey, so...

45. Take more video during family and friends' functions and edit a year end highlight reel.

I haven't been taking video, but my camera has not really left my side during family functions and gatherings of friends.

93. Contact my cousin Rick.

I have tried to do this and have failed miserably. I will continue to attempt to find him. It seems that he has moved away from Lexington, KY.

97. Stop eating tacqitos.

Yeah. Me and taquitos have had a nice, peaceful, amicable divorce.

So, what have we learned?

I'm basically off soda.

I had a glass of diet coke on Sunday afternoon and it was god damned nasty.

I know that I'm a caffeine addict. The only thing that keeps me awake some days is a good cup of coffee. Otherwise, I flounder around and can't quite get through the mist and turn down the white noise that goes on in my brain without it.

I've had varying amounts of the chemical in my brain for such a long period of time that I don't believe I can honestly survive without it.

It's worse than quitting smoking for me. And from what I've heard from others is that they had an easier time dumping a heroin addiction than cigarettes.

My mate and I went out to a valentines day dinner. It was wonderful. We shed the idea of trying to diet that night, although we tried to make good choices. But, the bread... oh wonderful warm and tasty bread... and the pasta... of which I've been dreaming... It was a wonderful dinner, and it was filling and satisfying... almost too much so.

Unfortunately, it wreaked havoc on my digestive track and I almost regretted it. I say almost because, at the end of the day, it was a wonderful meal, with wonderful company, on a wonderful day.

But, what did I learn?

Honestly, I don't think, when all is said and done with this diet, that I can ever go back to eating as I once did. I have to make better choices, and, like when I was "learning" to drink, I need to learn my limits. Maybe I should not get the pasta fagioli when I know that the meal itself is going to be very rich. Maybe instead I should have just gotten a house salad, or something lighter. Maybe I ask the waiter for whole wheat pasta, if it's available.

Damned biological reset. Although, I have been exploring tastes with this diet and discovered a great stew... Next time, I want to try it in a slow cooker. I bet that would bring out the flavors even more....

Anyway, back to my crunchy orange sticks and box drinks... Lesson learned.

The Slammin' Veggie Stew for the Protein-less diet

Lack of protein, yes.

Lack of taste? HELL NO!

1 small butternut squash – peeled sliced and cored

1 small acorn squash – peeled sliced and cored

1 can tomatoes, skinned and in juice

2 small can of tomato paste

2 zucchini – peeled

2 medium eggplants – peeled

2 cubes each of beef and chicken bullion

1 small container of diced mushrooms

2 small sweet potatoes – peeled and cubed

1 red pepper - chunked

1 yellow pepper – chunked

2 slices of a large Spanish onion – diced

4 – 6 cloves of garlic (to taste) – diced

4 teaspoons of olive oil

4 – 6 whole bay leaves

1 package fresh stew/soup herbs

1/2 small package of fresh rosemary

4 cups of water

To prepare:

The most time you’re going to spend in all of this is peeling, cutting and coring the two squashes. But, you want to make sure there are no seeds left over. We took the squash and sliced it and grilled it. The first go round, the pieces were too big and I would recommend halving them after grilling.

Take your sliced eggplant and do the same. We used a George Foreman grill, but a pan would be fine. If you don't have a Foreman, add two teaspoons of olive oil, in addition to the 4 listed, to use in the pan.

Take your peppers, your zucchini, and your sweet potatoes, all chunked and cubed, and put aside for now.

Take a medium saucepan, and your bullion cubes and make broth. When the water is boiling and your cubes dissolved, add in the herbs, 1 clove of diced garlic, and the tomato paste and stir. Once simmering and mixed, remove it from heat.

In a large (!!) stew pot, place the remainder of the garlic, the bay leaves, and your olive oil in the bottom of the pan. Add sweet potatoes, zucchini, onion, and peppers. Pour in half of the sauce. Add grilled squash and eggplant, along with the canned tomatoes. Add in rest of the sauce. Bring to simmer, stirring frequently. Once it’s simmering, put your top on the pot, reduce to low heat and cook for 30 – 40 minutes.

Let it sit for an additional 35 minutes off heat.

It will feed two people for about 4 dinners.

Enjoy.

Hardcorehardcorehardcorehardcore

So...

This is day 2. I've eaten carrots, an apple, and had a box cranberry juice.

Remember those box drinks from when you were a kid? Apparently, they are way healthier for you than what we all originally thought. When I was a kid, I just thought they tasted good. Now, I'm drinking them like they are replacing missing blood.

I also had "The Green Monster" again, without the cheese, because there is no real room for cheese on this detox menu. That's really the hardest thing for me. I love cheese. Always have. I'm the type of guy who will come home and eat a slice of cheese for a snack before I go to bed. I always consume the leavings in a bowl of grated cheddar, and I always have cheese on my sandwiches. Subway? Yeah, extra cheese. Deli sandwiches? Absolutely, pile it on! That salad was good, but I really missed the feta.

As I have said here before, I am a caffeine junky. Even with having four cups of green tea, I was feeling a bit light headed last night when Celia and I went to dinner. I had to have a cup of coffee before the world lost further focus in front of me. It would have been bad. I have had caffeine withdrawal. Migraines, crankiness, short attention span... There is no way I can tackle weight loss and caffeine detox. You would have to break out the methadone and serve me up that every morning like the heroin addicts do. I would have to enter a 28 day program in the midwest. It would look like one of those trainwrecks on celebrity rehab. I would have to enter into a 12 step program for COFFEE!!

Screw that.

I like being awake too much for that to be a worthwhile cause to follow.

Hell, I've given up soda - I had unsweetened iced tea last night with dinner, and have been drinking multiple cups of green tea at work for the last two days.

Do I feel better? Good lord, not really. I'm sure this will lift as my metabolism restarts, but I feel like a doormat. Now, I just need to tough this out.

More carrots await.

OK... Back to basics

So, back to business.

I've been trying to manage my diet between gigging and studio time, along with two studio shoots, and not really having a kitchen of my own. In that time, I have rediscovered a wondrous creation - THE SALAD.

I had been thinking about what had worked for me in the past as far as weight loss goes, and realized, much to the dismay of my inner-carnivore, that I lost nearly 65lbs just by becoming a vegetarian.

NOW! That doesn't mean I'm going to become one of those militant vegetarians that wants to spray paint people in expensive mink coats. It doesn't mean that I'm going to throw out my 100% leather Doc Martens... It just means that I need to jump start my metabolism from roughly 7 - 8 years of eating crap. For instance, remember when I grand opened the Bay Ridge CCity? Bay Ridge was the best and worst place for me. So many different tastes, so many places to eat... I was never tired of trying the food from the various take out spots along 86th street. Besides, there was a Popeye's right across the street. That was awesome.

Unfortunately, between that, and all the gig food, the late night stops at Quick Chek, 7-11, and diners, and not particularly eating well when I was at home - including living with THE WORST DIABETIC ever - my metabolism came to a screeching halt.

Of note: I actually got an accurate weigh-in of myself about two weeks ago. As it turns out, I am way heavier than I thought I was. All it did was strengthen my resolve.

I prepared for this. Over the last two weeks or so, I have been eating a lot of salads. The place we usually order from has a great one called "the green monster." It has lettuce, green olives, cucumber (which has become the world's greatest thing to me again), and feta cheese. I chose a balsamic vinaigrette dressing. It was excellent. I had a chicken salad at applebees last week, too. It, too, was exceptional.

I, however won't address what I had last night during the Super Bowl. I figured it was time to enjoy one last disturbingly awful meal, before I got hardcore this week.

So, I'm doing this whole detox thing. It consists of eating a very strict diet for a week. Now, I know I'm not going to be able to ditch caffeine, but the soda is gone. I write this as I sit here with a cup of green tea, and plowed through a bag of baby carrots. The funny thing is that it actually filled me up!

I'm committing to it once more. Time for change.

Here's the starting weight: 357lbs

Now, let's see what I can do to affect that.

1/21/10 - Nervous Eating

1/21/10

OK, so I lost track.

Admittedly, I'm about to use a couple stupid excuses for not keeping track of my caloric intake with any kind of accuracy. But, the last few days, unless I'm missing something drastic, for 4 out of 5 days I was hovering around 2200 calories.

Unfortunately for Wednesday, Thursday, and Tuesday, this was not the case.

One behavior I know I have an issue with is nervous eating. Whenever something bad happens, or when I'm under pressure at work or school, my food intake goes up exponentially. I'll snack a lot. I'll eat single slices of cheese. I'll drink huge amounts of soda. Basically I will do everything you shouldn't do when you're trying to lose weight.

I've heard of support groups and things like that for nervous eating, and as I am a recovering addict, I probably should attack this behavior like I would an addiction. It's not like I'm enjoying food when I eat like that. I'm sure Freud would have a field day with the oral fixation part of it.

Maybe I should go get a self help book. I know they're out there I just haven't really looked into working on this particular ailment.

Caloric intake for 1/20/10: 2216 calories

101 things in 1001 days

There's been a rash of these going around, so why not jump on this bandwagon. It's in the spirit of trying to remake myself.

The Challenge:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on your part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple challenges such as New Year's resolutions or a 'Bucket List'. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips, study semesters, or outdoor activities.

1. Get a better job. One with a stable schedule, health insurance, and a steady predictable paycheck

2. Get a car

3. Move out of Mom's

4. Resurrect my podcast or rejoin WSIA as a volunteer

5. Finish reading the Dark Tower saga

6. Transfer all my old home movies to dvd

7. Go to Disney World.

8. Go to the holocaust museum

9. finish off paying my credit card debt.

10. Go to the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame

11. Go to one NHL playoff game.

12. Explore options and enroll into a retirement fund.

13. Get a new prescription for eyeglasses

14. Get teacher's certification in New York State or New Jersey, or both.

15. See all 10 films that are nominated for the best picture Oscar.

16. Celebrate 3 years, and 4 years, respectively, clean from abusing prescription pain killers.

17. Lose 80lbs.

18. Rejoin a gym

19. Get an exercise regimen

20. Stick to it (re: 19)

21. Go on another cruise

22. Write at least one article a month for Bleacher Report.

23. Keep this blog going regularly until I reach my weight goal.

24. replace my xbox 360.

25. Keep the same phone number for 1001 days.

26. Get the panasonic DVCAM deck I have repaired.

27. Replenish my savings account.

28. Renew my CASAC.

29. Re-enroll in CSI's education department.

30. Learn Motion.

31. When I am living on my own, cook for myself at least 5 nights a week.

32. Add to my cookbook and explore publishing options.

33. Get better with Photoshop.

34. Explore freelance journalism options as far as hockey and music coverage goes.

35. Stop playing with my Blackberry during dinner and during conversations.

36. Drink only one can or 20 oz. bottle of soda per day.

37. Play piano a minimum of 30 minutes per week.

38. Relearn Bridge Over Troubled Water

39. Revisit the acoustic thing with Brian.

40. Get one paying client to hire us to play at their event.

41. Visit Al and Alice in Washington, DC.

42. Celebrate Towel Day.

43. Re-read Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy

44. Read Dracula with Celia

45. Take more video during family and friends' functions and edit a year end highlight reel.

46. Use above dvd as a Christmas card for 2010.

47. Write a story/treatment for Marty to adapt to a screenplay.

48. Only eat red meat once a week.

49. Return to Las Vegas.

50. Either get in contact with my natural father or find another way to resolve those feelings.

51. Go through my itunes and delete media that I will never use.

52. Actually edit a reel.

53. Complete an air check.

54. Complete my name change.

55. Get a new keyboard.

56. Get a new christmas cactus.

57. Join a soccer league. Indoor or outdoor - doesn't matter.

58. Get hockey skates.

59. Go ice skating.

60. Take photos of my dad's paintings

61. Get in contact with a dealer or gallery.

62. Get my dad's art shown.

63. Volunteer my time at a YMCA or community center as a peer counselor.

64. If they do, in fact, go on tour, see Roger Waters live at Yankee Stadium.

65. See a Yankees-Red Sox game.

66. Go to the New York Aquarium.

67. Go to the Baltimore Aquarium.

68. Go to the Bronx Zoo.

69. Go the the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

70. See a performance at the Met Opera House.

71. See Wicked.

72. Get a dslr.

73. Start working on a photography portfolio in order to have a show.

74. Get to the shore at least four times during the summer.

75. Create real video media for each song on Abbey Road.

76. Close my account with Citibank and open one at a bank with better hours.

77. Be on time with 12 consecutive credit card payments.

78. Finish this list.

79. Meditate at least twice a week.

80. Learn better relaxation techniques.

81. Get the Lego Death Star and build it.

82. Record a riff track for Star Wars or one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

83. Play Texas Hold Em in AC only once.

84. Start a no money required friends' poker night once a month.

85. Teach myself two new songs on piano.

86. Write one piano composition.

87. Transcribe White Shades to ledger paper.

88. Record White Shades.

89. Go through box of tapes from radio days and label them correctly.

90. Pay off fine traffic from East Orange, New Jersey.

91. Start saving for a house.

92. Get a actual pro style Rangers jersey with my name and number on the back.

93. Contact my cousin Rick.

94. Train a replacement at my current job.

95. Grow and maintain a rose bush or balcony flower box.

96. Stop drinking red bull, or other energy drinks, for 12 consecutive months.

97. Stop eating tacqitos.

98. Learn how to make my Mom's bbq pulled pork.

99. Host and cook for a Thanksgiving Day dinner.

100. Go to an NHL Winter Classic game.

101. Get "The Slut" repaired.

Number 56 and number 78 are done already. I'll update you, faithful readers, as needed.

Talk about dinner!

I was on a pretty good track yesterday.

I had a low calorie breakfast. And I had significantly reduced my snacking. Then I did the dinner-and-a-movie thing with the mother unit.

I suppose I made better choices. Instead of having a bag of reese's pieces (my usual pain of choice at the concession stand), I had pretzel bites. I still split the large diet coke, and I know that I need to cut down on soda.

Then came dinner. We went to Chili's, and I ordered fajitas instead of a burger. I kept looking at the calorie totals, and feared for my poor metabolism as I crunched the numbers in my head. It turns out that I got out of there only ingesting about 1700 calories. Interestingly enough, most of those came after splitting a dessert.

I need to figure out this exercise thing sooner rather than later, or all this calorie counting is going to be for naught. Which means I'm going to need to do it in the morning and at night. As anyone who knows me for longer than a week has gathered, mornings and I really don't get along very well. I'm going to need to overcome my love of sleep and reorganize that part of my life to make this work.

It's like this. As if losing weight was not a hard enough task to accomplish, I also need to wake up earlier, and then, to make matters worse, overcome my urge to gravitate to the couch and watch tv in the evening. Wow. Do I know how to pick my fights or what? Let's just redesign the wheel, or invent teleportation while I'm at it.

A couple of days ago, I mentioned that I needed to research how much went into a night of "serious drinking." Today, I bring you the results of that investigation.

A pint of Smithwick's lager (my tap beer of choice) has about 175 calories. I have ingested an average of 6 of those on a given night. That totals 1050 calories. In addition to that, I will have about four shots of Jamison's Irish Whiskey. A 2 oz shot is 138 calories. That's 552 calories. That's a grand total of 1602 calories. Add dinner on top of that... And keep in mind I weight dinner heavily as far as caloric intake goes... I would say that most of those nights are probably 3000 calorie affairs.

And for some reason, all I hear is Weird Al's voice singing "This is Why I'm Fat"...

Given, that may be too harsh. The idea of this is to turn my health and wellness habits into a positive rather than a negative. It is all a matter of outlook. As I press ahead, and I continue to clock my normal intake, all I'm doing is getting a clearer picture of what it is I need to change. No one ever said that this would be easy.

I need to figure a way to do this so that my subconscious doesn't feel deprived. That's the true path to success. That's also very difficult because I do like a variety of tastes. I'm sure there's a way.

Caloric intake for 1/10/10: 2557 (321g carbs, 109g fat)

Where does it all come from?! 1/10/10

I just don't get it.

I have a pretty low end breakfast. I had chex with milk and coffee.

And at the end of the day, I have still broken 3000 calories. Hell, the trip to Five Guys wasn't even that bad.

So what got me yesterday? Soda. Always soda. Every single time I walk into Five Guys, I just must have Mr. Pibb. It must happen. Again, I'm left with my own poor choices. The other concern I am beginning to have is that I do tend to snack a lot. During the Jet game it was a handful or two of these hard salted pretzels.

It isn't always what I'm eating, either. It tends to be about quantity. The Mr. Pibb would have been ok, but the three subsequent refills were the killer. The Gertrude Hawk caramel apple would have been fine, if I had only had part of it, and stowed it in the fridge for tomorrow, but I just HAD to eat the whole thing.

The interesting thing about this little exercise is that I keep thinking about what I'm eating before I eat it, and I suppose that is exactly why I should have done this long ago.

So, I think I need to start really revisiting my eating behaviors from the ground up. Maybe instead of getting a burger, I should get chicken. Maybe instead of getting the large, maybe I should get the regular. And maybe, just maybe, I need to cook for myself more often.

One more thing: I need to make better choices.

Thus, back into the fray I go.

Caloric Intake for 1/9/10: 3067 (-652 from yesterday)

1/9/10 Poor Choices

It's only my second day and I am getting a better, clearer picture of what my particular problem is.

Simply put: poor choices.

We went to Jose Tejas last night to celebrate one of my girlfriend's friend's new job. I had the chimichurri steak, which is what I normally order, three dos equis amber, and a diet coke. The problem is actually not what I had there, it was the three pieces of hard candy, the large iced coffee, and the grande mocha latte I had during the day.

That totaled almost 800 calories that I really didn't need.

Probably my biggest challenge coming is reducing the amount of caffeine that I intake. If it were a couple of years ago, I would have said the amount of alcohol I consume, but three beers every once in awhile is one thing. A true night of drinking is something completely different. If 3 beers have 670 calories alone, how many calories am I consuming with 7 - 8 pints of Smithwicks and 4 shots of Jamison. That is something I'm going to have to research.

Something else that I'm going to have to change in my lifestyle is my exercise regimen. I looked back in my head to when I felt somewhat better, and I was a regular visitor to the local New York Sports Club. I think it just may be time to join either there or LA Fitness. I hate to say this, but the deciding factor may be what's closer to my girlfriend, since I do spend most of the week there. Again, more research.

I'm trying to change my errant ways. And I feel like I'm getting a clearer picture of what it is that I have to change to be successful in this journey.

Caloric intake for 1/8/10: approximately 3800

1/8/10 The New Journey

So, after feeling like crap for the better part of the last year, I have decided to take a proactive role in my health by making a true attempt at losing weight.

Usually, if I were writing one of these things, it would be about art, movies, music, or last night at the bar, but this time, we're going to start this new experience of blogging with something a little more personal... a little more palpable...

The fact is that I miss the physical me that was around from 1998 - 2003... I've always been a big guy, but then, I felt better and looked better. Hell, I even played indoor soccer from 1999 - 2001. If I tried that today, I would need heart medication and a defibrillator.

I could name all the usual excuses: got older, got lazier, stopped walking as much, stopped playing soccer and street hockey, got depressed, got on anti-depressents, drank too much all the time. I could name 500 different excuses, and even attempt to pass them off as reasons, but, they would still be only excuses.

Another fact: I really like to eat. I enjoy different flavors and I'm a pretty damned good cook. I also enjoy eating out. Which wouldn't be so bad, but I end up eating out 4 - 5 times a week, and I don't always have time for a sit down meal. As we all do, I end up at wendy's, ordering from the .99 cent menu, or ordering chinese food at 8:30pm at night.

It's mildly distressing to me that I have reduced myself to that. There has to be a better way.

So, I got into a conversation at work yesterday about this guy who lost 127lbs simply by removing 1000 per day from his diet. He wrote a blog about it. I have not read it. I have no idea where to find it, and I really haven't had the motivation to look.

I started thinking about it, though. I said to myself, "Self, I've done this before. I reduced myself to 2000 calories per day at one point and dropped the Freshman 85 lbs I gained at my first year at Gettysburg College." I can do this. I can reduce my diet by 1000 calories. That's easy.

So, today I have started clocking my normal diet, and I'm going to do so for the next 7 days. After that, I will see where I can reduce things. Then I get to stick to it. In this space, I'm going to keep a public diary of my exploits, which will include a total of calories for the day. I guess this is one more reason to be attached to my blackberry, because that's where the stats are coming from. Thank god for free 'berry apps.

I have no idea whether anyone will actually read this or not, but, so be it. I need to do this for me.

Starting weight: 339 lbs

Caloric intake for Thursday 1/7/10: Approximately 2800 calories (125g fat, 361g carbs)